Dear our love diary,

today.
not a good day.
today is the last day seeing each other,
before the holiday starts.

T.T
and everything happened today,
not good at all.
thx to me...........

if i dint keep nagging dear to play volleyball,
then all this wont happen...

plan dint works as we planned.
we planned to spend one hour with each other alone,
but im too playful.
i wanted to play...so keep nagging dear to go and play.
So,
ya..end up,he wanted to play too.

that time,
the weather was burning hot,
maybe he's worried,
so he keep asking me to stay with him,
he dont let me continue.

(i keep urging myself to play.so i can have good improvement)
i dont like,
i dont like to sit one side while they enjoying.
watching them,will make me feel that,
how stupid i am,is just a ball...
eventhough i wanted to play with them,
but i know if i play,
i will make them run much to take back the ball.
cause,i play until so sucks.

so,
i rather to one side,
enjoy looking around...

haih,
im too tired,
so i cant control my mood very well..
aihs.

he keep asking me what happen,
asked me to tell him..
so,i told him.
and end up,i cried like a small kid over there.
so embarassing.T.T

i complaint alot,
i pushed him away when he trying to hug me,
i refused to looking at him.
i pushed his hand away.
im bad.

i did not want all this to happen.
sobs.
but all these seem like keep on playing in my head.
keep affecting my mood.
im selfish isn't it?

always think for ownself,
keep on complain to make everything feel better to me.
hate myself so so much.
what i want now?
people already change so much for u,what u want?
why keep complain!
people want u,u must feel thankful dy.
sobs.
T.T
i really want him so much,
but i hate to show it.

as he always has his own freedom to do thing he want,
i cant always want him to stay beside me..
although not giving any hug.
i still feel comfortable and safe.
cause he is the only one can stay calm when im annoying.

haih,
can i just hug him without consider anything?
i want him by my side now.
i need him.
sobs.

(stop crying,stupid me!T-T)
keep complain la,
when u lose him,dont regret.
i cant stop blaming myself.

written @8:03 PM