Yesterday was our outing to Times Square.
They planned to buy new cloth.
all of them bought at least one shirt,
but me....T.T...
nvm.wait mum go out with me then i buy more.
Gher.

Yesterday,
Jason talk more to me than usual.
Joking with him.
Shopping with him.
So glad.There are some improvements in the relationship between me and him.
At least he still will teasing me that,
i will never lose my weight.
will never cut down my weight.
Because i said i wan keep fit since i together with him.
And now,i grow even fatter.
GOSH.
something wrong with my dictionary is it?
keep fit=grow fatter?

Hahaha.
today,was trying to ask Jason about some question.
But,
i dont know why,
whenever he explain question to me,
he seems like very impatient and very geram.
I dont dare to keep saying i dont understand.
Scary.
I wonder why he can so patient when teaching other girls.
I know i got bit noob.stupid.nerd..
(oi,is a bit only..but nowadays stupid-ness keep increasing cause bx keep hit my head lo.lols.)
Lucky there are Darren who very patient and willing to teach me.
if not i will keep seeing bx move two pens again and again.
To illustrate two particles.
SWT.

Again,i wish my friends can together happily,
everything will solve soon.
They support me when im collapsing,
and i hope they will get good pay.

And Again,
i start to delete Jason's msg.
those with words.with promises.
CHEN YEAN TENG,i will never let you go.
Lols.
They got no meaning to me anymore.
-hold my tears-
I will delete all of them one day.
even the last "i love you" he said to me?
i dont know.

Memories in my mind will fade away?
say the truth,
sometimes,i still missing my past.

Haha.
Gher.Kok Hoe!!!!
My ice cream a!!!and my flower!!!!haha.
See.I am.happy.

written @10:03 PM

Rawr!
one week dint blog?
i think so.=D.
busy with my things in school.
lols..really that busy?not really,everyday have at least one hour break.=.=''
then?either pooling or volleyball lo!
haha~~
keep on pushing myself to make myself improve more in sport.
At least,i dont look too stupid infront of Jason.

Jason..
haha,just feels that the gaps between us,
getting bigger and bigger..
Why?i try to overcome it.
but still,when we are alone,with no others beside us,
we have nothing to say.
both of us keep silent.
no one will believe that,we used to in love with each other so much.

Lols.
"Life is simple,just the way you live is complicated"
i have to agree with it.
everything is simple,
just depend how you solve it,think of it.
And i,
always make something simple become so difficult for myself.
I can just let go,
why am i take it so serious?
haha.

Tommy said this to me:
Maybe he is sad,just he dont show it.Guys always like this.They dont show their real feelings.
Maybe he is.
I still believe that he is.
But what i need to do now,is to let go.
Smile.

Know what,
last friday,when waiting for briefing,
James,from P class came and talk to me.
I was sitting alone at canteen that time.
(not alone,but jason was sitting far far away,so consider alone)
I asked:"Why you dont want to sit with your friends over there?"
He whispered to me:"Actually,me and my friends planned to sit with you.But they cheat me."
I asked again:"Why come and sit with me?"
He said:"cause we see your ex bf was sitting with other girl,guess you were sad,so we plan to sit with you,and make your ex bf sad."
Swt.
But actually,you know what's his real purpose?
to asked whether is it Jason already break up with me?
and who ask to break?
Over?
I dont know.Maybe im excited that someone realize that i need someone to accompany.
But,
its hurt when I have to answer."Yes,we broke up.He asked for it."

BingXiong and JingYee,
i hope both of you can overcome barriers you guys facing.
Although it seems like hard to tolerate,
and seems like each of have your own opinion.
But,have you guys really sit down and talk about it?
Face it.
JiaLe and Shirley,
i hope you guys can communicate more.
try to talk with each other more.
try to understand each others' situation.

You guys still have your another half with you,
got problem then solve it together.
Ok?
Im jealous.
Both of you have a very good guy with you.
Maybe there are something that i dont understand,
i dont know because im not in ur situation.
but,
the fate is with you,
in your hand,you control it.
you decide how your fate to be.
isn't it?
Lols...i dont have the right to judge much about how your guys' relationship going on.
i just hope to seeing you guys happy together,
doesn't want to lose anyone on the next outing.
=)

ahhhh...
im crapping over here.
tml have to went to school again.
and i'm happy with my days.
Although someone just kindly say "sayang" me.
haha.
i know i like ppl pampering me.
ngeks.
and keep asking me,"you brush your teeth?"
or kindly asking me:"How are you a?"
haha.
Gher!
=D...........He cheer me up.
I'm dont mind to tell who is he.
Kok Hoe.
is him.Who keep accompany me and saying that he will support me.
i need him.as my really close friend.
nothing much i want it to be.just friend.

written @8:31 PM

How's my life now?
Fine.I'm slowly get back on my track now.
Something makes me wanted to blog so much.
I read newspaper that holding by a guy sitting next to me in lrt.Today.
Is about daily horoscope.
Scorpio-Dont let people fix problem for you.Keep you past as a secret.If not you will be in an awkward position.Bla bla bla.
Haha.So damn accurate!
I keep on telling the same thing with BX.
About Jason.
Lols.in the same way,i want him to help me fix the problem.
Keep asking him why.But end up keep saying that i dont want care anymore.
If i dont care anymore,
Why am i keep on asking the same thing,
and mind when he not with us?
I really want to know what he thinking.

Maybe i really should keep it.starting from now.
Haha.Dont ever say this to me anymore.
"Say it out,you will feel better...."

I'm satisfied with what i have now.
Sitting with BX and JL in class.
keep laughing and joking.
at night or during weekend,
Kok hoe will accompany me.
At least now,
i can still smiling when i reading msg that i received from him.
and there are some msg that i meant to keep it in my inbox,
to replace Jason's msg.
Dont misunderstood.
I'm clear with what i want now.
I dont crave for love and relationship after Jason.
I dont have the guts to try out,
bet on it anymore.

I feel safe now with his accompanies.
I feel so warm with his cares.
Pampering me when my mood swing.
I think all these are enough for me.

Don't you guys feel happy when i start to delete his msgs?
although there are still alot of them.
i will slowly take the advices you all gave me.

And i think i have decided my future.
I'm going to take pharmacy.
Jason,i'm glad to see you back on your track too.
i realized when you with me,you cant really study.
I'm glad.
I smiled when seeing you so hardworking.
thats you before you knew me.
I think,thats the better way for you.

Dont worry.
There is somebody taking good cares of me.
I will smile everyday.
and slowly forget our past,all the promises..
I will get used to it.
Hope you will be happy.I think you are.for now.

written @5:48 PM

Today is a bad day.
For everyone i think.
I scolded BX when we waiting for lrt,
and he told me he just remeber he promised JY something.
And then,he seem like very no mood.
After we advice him,he decided to go back.
Haih.Hope they ok now.
Today LRT system got problem,
so,all the way to KLCC,we have to keep change an take another train.

Jia Le keep calling Jason they all,
to check whether they can reach KLCC on time or not.
Guess what they doing when we were rushing to KLCC?
They still pool-ing.
I very mad.Just like we are the one who just hurry for the movie.
and they dont interested.
Walao.If dont like can just tell that you dont want to go.
why we have to keep calling you all,
asking whether you guys can reach on time,
worry you all can reach on time?!

So annoying you know?
Jason,if you dont like to join us,
then fine.
Just tell,so we dont have to wait.
and watching you walk away,
saying that you will join the other.
you go with the others.Always.
Lols?
Hate to see me so much?!
fine.
i can just stop msg you.
stop bothering you.
i dont mind.i dont have to mind,
i dont have to endure you anymore.
You like to emo then emo la.
You never want people to care about you.
what fault you mad for?
i stand all of it doesnt mean that i can stand it.
everyone have their own limit,
so am I.

I sad and cry for so long,
you dont even giv a piece of shit,
dont even threw an eyes on me.
Lols.what fault i still keep remember and recalling?
huh?
You win.You make me hate you.
You make it.Ok?

And i hate myself too!
haih..

he dont even care if i hate him.
Lols.
What am i doing?
All this arent what i want it to be.....='(
(I wrote this because im angry.nothing else.might be true.might be false.)

written @8:53 PM

from the first day of school until now,
is the third day of school.
Im watching how he avoiding me,ignore me.
Lols.Maybe i get used to it.
how he add new scar on my heart,im not suprise.
I wonder,he will msg when i cry until mentally break down?
Then i think he wont msg me anymore already.
I cry lesser already.
I really put down everything?
No.Every single thing i wish badly,he crushed it down.
Disappointment overloaded.No point for me to hope for anything.anymore.
No wishes.No hope.No Disappointment.

I remember,this is what i tell myself when i realize i fall for him.
I'm asking myself not to hope that he will fall for me too.
But why?The moment i want to give up,and you give me a hope,
Saying that you like me?
Isn't that a fool?
I'm telling the same thing to myself in the end.

I dont blame anyone.
I dont blame him.i just blame myself.
thought i can change everything.
thought he will love me even im not his dream girl.

Dont worry.I'm tougher now.
I'm started to depend on someone else.
and I always remind myself.Not him.
Haha.
Kok hoe is just friend for me.
and I'm glad that he care about me.
I'm glad i changed him.=D
I'm glad he be with me.

Jason,i start to forgetting about you already.
Be yourself,ok?.And so sorry,you cannot play with bx they all,because of me..
Dont worry.Half year later,you wont see me anymore.
And you can get your better life as before.
So sorry i gave you a bad memory.
Sorry that make you feel so uneasy.
I'm sorry that i couldnt be your best gf.
sorry.
Although im not with you anymore,but i hope you can be happier.
Jason,Jia you...
RAWR.

written @8:22 PM

AHHH!!end up,my mood ruinned by my ownself.my stupid bloody brain and my eyes..Some more cry in public again!haih,sometimes when tears flow,it will be like untighten water tap.First day,i dint think much,i act like normal,because i decided,new year,i must cry lesser,not to recall things about him so often.And I just stick to kokhoe.ofcause la got talk with Jason.At night,when going through the crowd,i hope he will stand behind me and take good care of me.Haha,but he is leading lo.Walk until very far and i keep get lost only.T.T.they have to keep looking for me.paiseh...after bought baskin robbins,we went through the crowd and find a place to sit down.Preparing to countdown.My mood swing again.maybe because my decided put down everything about him.Haih.Maybe that night was once before one of our plan,spent our day at Genting.Looking around,the couples are kissing each other when the fireworks start.How lovely.And i wish,the one standing beside me can hug me,eventhough he dont kiss me.although it doesnt mean anything or it just a friend's hug.Or maybe i can kiss his forehead and saying that,"Jason,this is my last kiss.I will put down everything from now on.I wont be stubborn anymore and keep wishing for miracle to happen."Haha,i dont have the gut to do that..In hotel,we ate all the ice cream we left cause they melting.and Jason ate too.so near.haha..So nice,nvr had that kind of moment with him yet.Then,im getting tired.so im lying on bed with pillow.and he lying beside me.perpendicularly..I wonder what feeling im having that time,so close.Haha,im thinking im in his arm gua.or on his flabby tummy..around 2,Jason fall aslp.I couldnt slp cause its too cold,and he took away the blanket.Nah,i gave him one la.Haha..At 4 oclock,everyone went to bed.I couldnt slp well.Haha,even some of them keep saw me sitting up..My tummy not feeling well somemore.T.T..I'm happy.I help them cover blanket and towel.i try to help Jason but only get to cover his feet.=.=.he lying on the blanket.i scare if i pull he will be looking at me in a strange way.What are you trying to do?So i keep look around and watching them slping.Jason slp so soundly.haha..First time watching him fall aslp for such long period.look like a big baby..When they all awake,i cooked instant mee cup for them.I'm happy when Jason talk with me softly.I'm moody when Jason like want argue with me that what im saying is wrong..very successfully,my mood get affected lo.Talking with bx about the past,and my tears dripped down.Suddenly i heard his voice,i quickly turn back and wipe off my tears.And he blame me for not listen carefully where he want us to wait for them.Aihs.And,finally..mentally broke down when Jing Yee say:"im jealous that daddy treat mummy so gd."I was like,that just what you can see.You wont want to try the feeling of getting lesser than 10 msgs from your bf."My tears start to flow down like waterfall.Finally.I cant stand it all alone anymore.until Jerome's gf like so shock and comfort me..Yeanteng,you ok ma??dont cry luu...Haha.haih..who will wan to let go someone you really love so much and think of he is ur another half.forever?then they teach me play pool..i start to moody again.i cant play well.again.i show how stupid i am,how useless i am,why Jason will dump me!tears keep running my my eyes..i dont want to make myself feel so shame,so,i hold my tears...=).Thats my days.Eh,how i gona achieve my aim for crying lesser ha?first day of new year already cried like mad people..ahhhh.help me!!!

written @9:04 PM